Every day for months, we had woken up being confident that was day time Dad would die. For that last two weeks, countless times he had coughing fits or chest rattles so bad that we thought he was surely dying. We'd wake up in the night, rushing to his bed to become with your own. If he was noisy, we were sure he was loss of life. If he was too quiet, had been sure he was already roll up wheelchair ramp dead.
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I seemed to be phobic about seeing his dead system. Not out that are of a fear within the dead or superstition, but because I simply didn't want to see him that process. One night in those last two weeks we a bad ice storm. All I could think about was people would be trapped together with his body, and i just couldn't bear to look at him dead. And if was equally afraid of seeing him dead because i was them moving this man. I hate to see people in caskets, lying in state. I hate remembering how seem dead, it breaks my heart. I wanted to remember him still living.
I can't speak highly enough for hospice. We'd planned, Mom and I, that along with use it when the time came. We realized later that we should have put him on hospice inside June july 2004. But I think we just weren't ready. Dad fought the concept of hospice, he still desired to fight his cancer is usually was plain that he was loosing the contest. If his cancer had been form of that happens to be fought, might have the chance, he fought challenging. Mom had to use her power of attorney over Dad to sign him into hospice, because she didn't want him to be able to he was dying. Once we tried to carefully let him know he was dying he became hysterical, and then we backed of.
We could have been completely unprepared for the diagnosis, not really for one thing. While transferring the films of the MRI's and scans from doctor to doctor, Received the involving filching the report and photocopying it and then returning this task. Mom and I did this on our own, since we didn't to be able to unnecessarily worry Dad who was simply already taking this very hard and was terrified.
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Finally later that night, I had calmed down enough to go to the hospital. I was still having near constant anxiety. I had never attended an ICU unit before nor had I witnessed anyone quite that sick before. I am scared on so many levels of so many solutions.
We in addition have electric heat, which however won't work if the ice storm causes the power lines to rupture! However, we are very grateful to have both a fire and a kerosene heat tank. There's
kerosene out in the shed, left over from last winter. We brought numerous armfuls of wood last night, for "just in case" conversation. It's neatly stacked on the family room carpet. All those things wood would look out of place, but a quick glance out the window clarifies the seek. There's ice on nearly everything.
